I have been absent from blogging for over a week now, not for no reason but because I desperately needed time to think and work out what it is I actually want and need to be doing here. Not just with this blog, but with many other parts of my life as well. Let me tell you how this all came about…
On Saturday 13th February I headed over to Victoria for a short getaway. I was staying with a friend who I used to work with, and she has been studying many forms of healing, mostly spiritual in nature. I guess you would call her an esoteric healer.
The reason I chose to go over to stay with her at that time was because on the Sunday she was doing a Horse to Heart Mindfulness session. This is a mindfulness and meditation session where she uses her horses as kind of like a grounding force, the are big animals, they are calm, and they also have massive heart space so if you’re like me and feel a bit heavy hearted and want to lean on someone, you can just lean on the horse and let it out. Which is exactly what I did.
This was then followed by a spiritual healing session on the Monday morning before I left. I have always been curious about this and open to the idea that maybe there is something more out there, or scientifically maybe it’s just some kind of psychology behind meditation and music. Whatever you want to believe, it was an extremely powerful session for me.
The question I held in my mind was “Am I on the right path?” There were a couple of streams behind that; my relationship with my mother, my relationship with my partner, work and study and volunteering, blogging. In my mind I had these visions of different aspects of my life for example, my mother, every time she came near I was filled with a blackness that came from her and envisaged myself pushing this blackness back to her so as not to consume myself. There were many other things that I saw and felt during the healing and it brought up things that I honestly didn’t even know were bothering me, and I am still feeling the repercussions of those now a week later.
With my blogging, I actually have three blogs all about totally different things and I realised that although I love blogging I was making it more about getting those likes and comments and stuff, and less about me and expressing myself. I found that I was blogging up to 3-4 times a day across all these different blogs and would get really stressed if I wasn’t able to do it. So I realised that I needed to take it back down to a level where I still enjoyed it and it was about expressing myself and sharing how I feel about things with, well, whoever the hell wants to read my blog.
So I am in struggle town at the moment, sorting through all of this, though thankfully haven’t gone back into my binge-eating habits which is a win. But I do feel that come what may, the changes I need to make, it fills me with light so I know I will be ok.
This kind of spiritual healing I know isn’t for everyone. I had some incredibly powerful visions while I was doing it and felt like I’d run a marathon afterwards. If you have an open mind and feel like there are things that are unresolved or buried and you need help working through them, then maybe interview a couple of healers and see if you meet any that you have a connection or feel comfortable with, and try it out.