Friday Favourites

The last week has gone really quickly, there’s been heaps happening at work and in my personal life it’s all just sort of zoomed past.

New term of pole. Last Saturday I started a new term at my pole dancing studio. The first class back can be the hardest I find because it’s revision of tricks from the previous term and so is really intense! But it still felt really good to be back despite the sore muscles.

Shopping. After my pole class I met one of my girlfriends at a shopping centre in one of the richer Adelaide areas (Burnside for any Adelaidians reading, so you know what I mean). Oh my gosh there were some absolutely gorgeous clothes there, but though I earn a decent salary it’s just not decent enough to buy anything there.

Mothers day. Last Sunday was Mothers day and so I took my Mum up to Monarto Zoo, I’m not sure that she’s ever been before so it was a great experience for her and turned out to be a not too bad day which is good.

Solicitor. This might be an odd one to call a highlight, but given everything that’s happening with mine and my former partners separation, it was time to bring in a solicitor to get some advice so that I had a better understanding of how to get everything resolved. The solicitor I saw today was good and I feel much better now I have a better idea of what I need to do and what the possible options for settlement are.

Window shopping. I didn’t feel like going straight home after work and so I decided to go into the city because they do late night shopping on Friday nights, so I just wandered around and looked at things, tried a couple of pieces of clothing on…noticed they don’t actually go on sale until tomorrow, so I’m going to go back to the local store and pick them up when they’re on sale tomorrow lol.

How has your week been? Are there any highlights you would like to share?

Take care,

Jas

Motivational Monday – Doors

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You know that old saying, sometimes when one door closes another one opens? I just closed one door, and am now visualising myself walking through the hallway of transition and over to the open door.

My partner and I ended our relationship. I feel I have done everything possible to make it work so I have some solace in that. Though I get waves of sadness, anger and frustration, I also feel at peace with myself for the first time in a long time. Because the door to that chapter of my life is now closed and I am actively readying myself for the next chapter.

Watch out World!

Take care,

Jas

Breaking up

I knew when I looked at him sitting across from me in the therapists room that it was over. I’d asked for a trial separation so that we could have some time and space to decide what we wanted to do. If we wanted to be together, or if splitting up was the best idea.

When we talked about expectations for the separation, I said that I would like to see him make an effort to contact me and maybe ask me out on dates or something like that. When the therapist asked what he thought, whether that’s something he could see himself doing. He said no.

That really made the decision. What was the point of going any further? He clearly had no intention of coming to the party and trying to make the relationship work. If he ever did.

So there we have it, the end of a relationship. And now we get to sort out the stuff like, who keeps the house or if we sell it.

At least my binge eating habits haven’t kicked in. Maybe part of the reason I was binge eating to begin with had to do with the stressors in this relationship. I don’t have those anymore. Maybe some different stressors to come but for now I feel ok.

Friday Favourites

It has been a rather eventful week for me and not really in the best way possible. My partner and I have decided to separate. I wanted to do a trial separation to see if the time apart would help, but when we talked about expectations during that time, it turns out he just wasn’t interested in doing anything to help or change. So that’s the end sadly.

There were still some good things that happened over the last week though, so I’ll share a few of them now.

Family day. My step-mum has been wanting to see Monarto Zoo for a while so last Saturday my Dad and I took her up there and we had a nice day going around and seeing all of the animals.

30th birthdays. A couple of my old high school buddies, who are actually married, had their joint 30th birthday over the weekend so it was nice to be able to celebrate with them. There was also an old friend there who I hadn’t seen in a really long time so it was great to be able to catch up with him too.

Long weekend. Oh I love a long weekend. Monday was a public holiday called Anzac Day where we have dawn services and such to remember those ANZACs who fell during the war.

Anzac Day lunch. At work we decided to hold an BBQ for Anzac Day. I brought in a portable BBQ and baked some Anzac cookies and the boys brought some snags so we trundled down to the soldiers memorial at the park just down the street from work. The weather even managed to be nice and sunny for us while we were there so it was lovely.

Aquapole. A girlfriend and I heard about this new craze hitting Australia called Aquapole, and as someone who enjoys both pole dancing and being in the water I thought this was a really cool idea. So, we have both signed up for classes! The first term doesn’t start until 25th May though so we have a bit of a wait but I’m also quite excited about it.

How has your week been? Are there any highlights you’d like to share?

Take care,

Jas

Friday Favourites

There’s quite a bit of turmoil happening in my life at the moment so I am struggling to pick some highlights for the past week, but then that was the point of these posts anyway. When I’m feeling down this makes me reflect on the good things that happened in the previous week rather than only thinking about the not so good things.

Drifting competition. My partner’s drifting competition was last Saturday and he did pretty well despite a couple of car issues. It’s a very long day but at least the weather was beautifully warm, and I took a magazine with me so I was able to read a bit when I wasn’t watching him.

Date night. I say date night, but it was actually a day that we had put aside which deliberately focussed on me and what I needed to feel loved. I wrote a list of things from which my partner got to pick two (and another two next time, and so on until I have to write a new list), and I got a massage and we played a boardgame together.

Day off. I took Wednesday off work, and feel really grateful I can just call my boss and tell him that I need to chuck a sickie to take care of some things, like this day. It was spent doing things to care for me while things are a bit down, and so I saw my psychiatrist which made me feel a lot better and more secure and validated I guess, in how I’m feeling.

I haven’t regressed. Coming out the tail-end of having an eating disorder and having some struggles at the moment, it is really challenging for me not to slide back into my old habits, but I’ve done it so far which makes me happy with my self. I seem to cry a lot more but that’s also why I booked in to see my psychiatrist, so that he could help me work through all of that.

Chat with friends. It’s funny, with what I’m going through at the moment, there have been a couple of friends who have shown a lot more care for me than the ones I had thought I was close to, who have listened with half an ear but then not seemed interested. What’s that called, the fair weather friend? Anyway, this is teaching me a lot about some friendships and I have been extremely appreciative and felt loved by those friends who have supported me this week.

I hope you are doing well, if there are any highlights you’d like to share in the comments, please feel free!

Take care,

Jas

Motivational Monday – Love is a Garden

Love is like a garden; you need to tend it with care each day to keep it alive.

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I’ve no idea where I heard this quote but it is so true. Recently my partner and I have been having a few issues, I won’t go into detail, but it occurred to me that we really hadn’t been tending our love garden as well as we had in the past. We’re working at it now and have a plan for how we’ll keep it going and it’ll take commitment from both of us but that’s exactly what a relationship is, a commitment to keep tending each other and making it work.

For me, well for both of us, I think part of the challenge has been that we were alone for so long, and even in our relationship we have freedom to keep being individuals and doing our own thing; we don’t feel a need to spend all our waking time together. I think that individuality, though something we treasure, became a little too extreme and we did virtually nothing together for weeks and weeks, no dates, very little intimacy and so it resulted in us being more or less like WTF with each other. Now though we’re a little more aware of the impact that individuality has on our relationship and are proactively doing things like booking in dates and blocking out time to spend alone together, and not just watching TV in the same room, but actually being together. And doing this proactively rather than waiting for the weekend to roll around and realising that we have no time with each other because we didn’t plan it.

We definitely need to keep this phrase in mind, and not just a stop in with our partners to say that you love them, but quality love garden time.

Motivational Monday, 1 February – Storms

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There have been a few of these recently. Actual storms in the last week that even managed to flood the office! And of course other personal storms that have to do with my mother.

Without going into detail let me just say that we have always had a strained relationship which became even more strained a couple of years ago when she had a mental break, tried to commit suicide and was hospitalised. It was an incredibly hard time, but I learnt so much, about her, about me and I think it has changed me. It has taught me so much about boundaries in particular, some of which I need to be better about putting up, and some I need to let down a little. It has taught me about my own view of myself and my eating disorder, my relationships with other people and especially my relationship with my mother.

So yes, there have been many, many storms for me over the course of my life, and I know without a doubt that each of those has changed me in some way. For the better I hope and sometimes I think it is better, after all I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for all of those storms.

Take care,

Jas